Bump and Grind: Enjoying Life After Children, By Guest Blogger Aurtal Dolhan

“Do you believe in life after love?” Cher asks. Well I got a better one for you!!! How about do you believe in ( A LIFE) after kids???  I am a firm believer that YES, YES, YES, there is plenty of life – in fact , sometimes it is even a BETTER life-(insert gasp here).

I know, I know, you were thinking that life simply ceases to exist once you have kids.
I guess it’s not so ludicrous to think so, when we are seeing an epidemic of young people who are making the conscious decision to NOT get married and have kids in their 20s or AT ALL for that matter.  I assume that the thought of putting a dent into their social life is so uncool, right?

So, as a mother of five (insert gasp here) I should probably join a convent, become a nun, and leave it at that, do you agree??  Well, that’s just not going to happen, and the fact that I’m Jewish has nothing to do with it either!!!!! Plus after five kids, I pretty much get the ‘mother Teresa award’ under my belt.

So I ask parents …..and, all of you childless individuals ,that seem to own the ‘non parent guide -to secrets of how to raise children without actually having them, advice for their parents and everything else under the sun’, should we be ‘putting our lives on hold for the next twenty years’ ? Is shutting down your social life the 11th commandment that no one dares to speak of??

Let’s put this into perspective-before everyone starts talking about priorities and so on.
I am not saying that every parent on the block should abandon their kids for a night of relentless drunkenness and so forth. But their ain’t nothin’ wrong with a little bump and grind -if you know what I mean, a little wining and dining – well you get the drift.  Also, there is nothing wrong with getting help – trusted and safe help with your children that allows for you, THE PARENT, to have a good time just being YOU.

Human beings are social animals and if you are an extrovert like myself, you will realize that there is no cure for it . Kids will not, shall not, cannot make my partner and I give up on us, on our friends, and most importantly on our ability to keep balance in our lives. There are very few parents that I have come across that are able to maintain a balance between being a parent and being a human being.  It is a proven fact that maintaining your identity, and a couples identity will allow you to be a better parent for your kids.  The choice is yours- and there will ALWAYS be folks who will try to beat you up for leaving your kids (here’s an oxymoron for you) with a trusted individual!!!! YES , ( insert sarcastic tone here) I am sure this means you are scarring your children for life

Actually the happiest kids I have ever seen were raised in a large family and socialized by and with a diversity of individuals. Now this is where I will refer to a wonderfully honest proverb indicating that it LITERALLY takes a village to raise a child. Well not here folks!!! We are far more advanced than that train of thought -NOT. Can you hear it now -the voice of someone you know better then you probably should saying-you made it-you take care of it-(alone), and the most classy opinion of all- you should suffer for it-for all the days of your life.

My husband and I recently decided that hiring a nanny (an extra pair of hands) will be the right choice FOR US -financially, socially, logistically, and so on. Now I am sure we will raise some brows- and hear some nasty accusations (from those who care most-and see us least). The truth is there is nothing wrong with getting help.

To wrap this up I will say this- having children, raising children, loving and being loved by children is the most accomplished thing anyone could ever do- nothing else could ever come close, no emotion could ever compare . If you are not having children by choice- I truly feel bad for you – you will never find fulfillment such as this. The greatest things in life requires the most effort. So yes it is a better life in the long run- as I mentioned earlier.
I will also mention the very touchy topic of having to give up on a social life due to a lack of resources – and this is completely legit by the way , just part of making the right kind of sacrifices as a parent. Still, – don’t give up on living ,sacrifice things? – Sure but don’t sacrifice yourself at all costs. Just get more creative, imaginative, and don’t forget to give your ideas away to other parents ….I’m sure we could all use a good laugh.

 By Guest Blogger Aurtal Dolhan


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About Malvina Beker

Malvina Beker is a Mom, a teacher, a writer, and a sociologist. She has a Masters degree in Sociology, a Bachelor of Education, and a background in child psychology and development. She has taught high school Family Studies, Parenting and Music courses, and has research experience through interviewing as well as surveys. She is a mother of three children who inspire her the most, and is always excited to share and exchange experiences and opinions with others.
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3 Responses to Bump and Grind: Enjoying Life After Children, By Guest Blogger Aurtal Dolhan

  1. I was feeling a bit ‘down’ one day and remarked to my son that when you have children you don’t get to do what you want any more. He was much wiser than me – he already had two little girls – and he said’, ‘No, Mum. You do get to do what you want. It’s just that what you want is different.’ So true, and so positive!

    • Malvina says:

      Thank you so much for sharing this Katharine,

      Such a wonderful and positive message! People are scared of losing an identity (and a life) when they have kids, what they don’t realize is that you actually gain another identity thats worth soo much more than you ever thought possible!

  2. If you do hypnobirthing for the birth, it means you don’t have a trauma to recover from and everything you learned are tools for motherhood and for life.

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